Tuesday, December 20, 2011

December 2011

I'm discovering that each time I promise myself that I'll blog more, less I remember to do it.  The months keep flying by and I'm hanging on by a thread.  It seems crazy.

Its December, and well, December is almost over already.  2011 is almost coming to an end and the year 2012 will be here.  

First, December.  This is always a month full of mixed emotions.  Its a time of family togetherness, but also a reminiscence of those who are gone.  Whether they left us recently, or years ago, they hang out in our hearts and mind heavily this month.  We try to keep up our smiles, our laughter, our joy to not damper the spirit of the holidays, even if inside we are breaking apart like a dropped glass ball ornament.

This month symbolizes so many things to so many people.  Some people use it for the celebration of the birth of Christ, some use it to celebrate the spirit of giving with Santa, and others use it to trash others beliefs.  I've never understood the whole "Christmas" issue.   Who cares what someone else believes in...really.  No matter what you believe about the day, it should be a celebration of family.  Sure, some will say that family should be celebrated every day of the year.  Yes, that is true, however, due to everyone having such chaotic schedules, celebrating with family is difficult.  Plus, if you bought gifts for your family all the time, do you REALLY think they would be as appreciative?  I know most children wouldn't...  It is truly nice to have ONE day a year to celebrate with those you love....whether you spend it with your immediate family or extended family, or even friends.  (Thanksgiving is a celebration of giving thanks to what we have.....Christmas is a celebration of family/friends and just life...at least, in my opinion.)

Second, the end of 2011.  Wow, Already...  I'm a little in shock about it really.  Its getting harder and harder to keep the years separate as they seem to fly by as I get older.  This year, I'll remember a little more than others as this year was met with so many heartaches.   So many angels grew their wings this year.  Two in particular meant a whole lot to me and my family.   I believe Heaven grew 3x wide this year...  What I wouldn't give to just have this year start all over from the beginning....to get back things lost, even if just for a short period of time. 

I look back and reflect....to never forget those I love, and pull the memory of them into the new year.  2012, here I come. 




Tuesday, September 20, 2011

September 20, 2011--September 11, 2011

I'm a lil behind on publishing blogs.

September 11th, 2011.

Heaven turned 12 years old.  TWELVE!!!!!!  Where did the time go?  It doesn't feel like its been twelve years ago since she was born, but time doesn't lie nor can it be cheated.  Her attitude speaks volumes too for her age.  She has that whole "I'm almost a teenager and know everything" attitude about her..lol.

We were living in Alaska at the time she was born.  I am pretty sure the snow hadn't started to fall yet, but did not too long after.  I remember it being freaking cold there as we hadn't lived there but only for a few months and had not acclimatized yet. 

Her birth, such a pain...literally..haha.  I would start having extremely painful contractions, they'd give me meds for pain and the contractions would stop.  I'd then be sent home, only to go back a few hours later when the contractions would start back up.  This went on for two days before they stopped giving me stuff for the pain and made me wait it out for a few hours before giving me something again.  I pretty sure they finally gave me my epidural when I grew three heads and started to sound like satan.     You'd be bitchy too if you had them shoving their hands up in you to put some sort of electrode monitor on your baby's head.  Have I mentioned that pain and I do not get along?

My epidural, the wonder drug, was only half miraculous.  I ended up only being completely numb on one side of my body, the other side, while not completely able to feel, was still able to feel. So when it came time to push...yeah, no, I wasn't the least bit happy.  Then of course, she had to be stubborn and get stuck on my pelvic bone.  They used a freaking vacuum to get her out..and OMG!!! it would "pop" off I guess and every time it did, the pain was excruciating.  I was pretty upset.   FINALLY (after 2hrs of pushing) she was out and things were hunky dory.

We lived in Alaska for the first 2 years of her life. We were living there when her 2nd birthday came around and the towers fell.  I was told I was a horrible person for celebrating her birthday that day when people were loosing their lives.  I was told for the following years that celebrating her birthday on that day made me a bitch.  Yeah, I told many people to F-off.  While 9-11 was a tragic event, the celebration of my childs life was something I was not going to postpone.

Heaven has seen so much already in her 12 years of life.  She's seen more of the US (granted she doesn't remember half of it..lol) than most people see in their entire life.  She's not done yet either as I have some pretty big moves for her coming up.  She's such a smart kid....her test scores are always through the roof.  It is because of this, I'll never deny her an opportunity to better herself.

Its hard to imagine that within a few more years she'll be out of my home and on her own.  *sigh* Time passes too quick.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

July 13, 2011--Random thought...I love you.

To all those I've lost, will lose, and will lose me...I cherish you, I love you. My love for you is bigger than the universe is wide, brighter than the sun shines, and stronger than anything on earth. Just remember that.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

June 1, 2011--Gas Math

I keep hearing about why isn't our economy improving. Why are more people not spending money like they were a few years ago. It doesn't take a genius to figure a part of the problem out. Could it be....gasoline?

We are now spending at least 1$ more per gallon of gas. Lets say the average household spends an extra 30$ a week on gas. Now lets take One million households x 30$=$30,000,000 A WEEK going toward gas. 30mil x 4 weeks in a month = $120 mil. 120mil x 12mths=$1,440,000,000 A YEAR is now going toward going to gas and NOT our stores. You and I both know that know that there are more driving households than that AND some households are spending MORE than an extra $30 a week on gas.

So, you tell me....why is our economy not crawling out of the hole its in?

Sunday, May 29, 2011

May 29, 2011--blogness

Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine. ~Robert C. Gallagher

I decided to change up my blog. My original plan was to make this more of a picture blog...to post pictures with my thoughts added in. Now, its going to be more of a thought blog with a picture added if I have one relevant. I think this way I may be able to write more often when I have a chance.

I am a female, so who knows how long this will last till I change my mind and take it into another direction again. Tomorrow I could turn it into a political debate blog.....yeah, you know me too well...lol.

I wish I had more time to write, but I'm not upset over the fact that I don't. My kids are more important and so is my sleep. Right now its 12:30am....4 out of 6 kids are up. Isis is currently with Patrick over at Jimmy/Brandys house and Augi, Jman, & Heaven are watching Netflix. I am actually surprised no one is bothering me so I can at least write for a few....wait, spoke too soon, Justice is now demanding my time...so away bloggy you go.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

May 28, 2011--Randomness "My huge family".

Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts.

The above describes my family more than you will ever know. Some of you may think that is horrible to think while others are standing in ovation because they too have a family like mine.

My mother, Norma, had a ton of siblings. There were 15 that survived and one that died in infancy. (Yeah, I know what ya'll are thinking "Holy wow, that multiplying like rabbits runs in the family".) Needless to say on my moms side of the family, I have an abundance of cousins. Don't ask me to name those off because I have never met about 50% of them.

Now my father, Tony, is one of six. I also know all my cousins from that side as they all lived in the same area as we did. It is because of that I am closer to my dad's side of the family. I grew up spending almost every holiday with that side, along with a lot of weekends and just random get togethers. I'd be lying if I told you I didn't miss it. I miss getting together with all of them more than I could ever explain.

My parents, amazingly, only had three kids. My brothers, Rodney and Tracy, each have three children of their own. I have four nieces and two nephews... that gives my dad (mom passed away five years ago) a total of 12 grandchildren (six boys, six girls). I have one niece and nephew that I've never met. I don't go to Illinois and my brother doesn't bring them to Arkansas.

So, now you see that I have a huge family....not just a big family, but a HUGE family. Of course, for the analogy I started with...if you were to pour us out into a fudge pan, there would only be enough nuts for one or two slices....which is such a good thing..lol.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

May 17, 2011...Priorities

No matter what you've done for yourself or for humanity, if you can't look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished? Lee Iaccoca


When I decided to start my blog back up, I started with the determination of at least writing a blog post twice a week to once a day. I said if I didn't do it, I was being lazy. However, since then, I've come to realize I have better priorities. This blog is and will always be last in the order of things. So if I get a few minutes to write, then so be it, if not, oh well. I'm sure that there are not people out there who's life depends on whether or not I write every week. If there is, please tell me, then I'll try to make time for you too..lol.

My first priority is always to my kids. Now, each of those kids currently has a place in in being first. IE...Brenden's needs come before Heaven's since she is old enough to do a lot of things on her own. The only thing that will disrupt the order is if one child is sick/injured.
If Augi is pouring blood out of his head, I'm not going to tell him to wait to change a diaper...lol.

The rest of the order will include family, my pets (sorry folks, but she is like a 4-legge
d family member), then my friends, and then everything else in life. I would have to rank myself interchangeable with 2nd and 3rd. If I'm not making sure I'm alright, then there is no point in everything else.

Prioritize folks!
Family+Friends > everything else, including blogs.





Monday, May 2, 2011

Rain Rain Rain--May 2, 2011

Rain is grace; rain is the sky condescending to the earth; without rain, there would be no life.
---John Updike


Rain, you know, its what happens when droplets of water falls from the sky. Sometimes they fall light, sometimes heavy. In big droplets, in small droplets.....its rain all the same.

Don't ask me how much of the wet stuff we have received as I wouldn't be able to give an exact number nor an estimate. I just know that it just keeps falling out of the sky, drenching everything there is outside, and flooding the land. I do know that we are lucky where I am at. We are currently not experiencing the mass flooding problems my hometown area is on the east side of Arkansas. Images of the flooding may be viewed here Kait8.com and here at Star Herald. Its amazing that one small droplet of water combined with millions of its friends can cause such devastation in the form of flooding.

I, only once, have been involved in flooding on a large scale. I want to say it was back in 1982 when we had to be evacuated in boats from my grandfathers house. I remember going from boat to boat to eventually where there was no more water. I then had to wait in my Aunt Lesa's car with her lassie dog for what seemed like an eternity. Its amazing what you can remember when something like that happens. If I am correct on the year, then I was only 4yo at the time, and everything that happened seems as if it was recent.

I guess in the grand scale of things though, even with all the chaos with the flood waters, everyone should still be thankful, especially with the influx of tornadic weather that has consumed the south recently. Loosing ones home can be devastating, but loosing a life/a loved one would be far greater of a tragedy. Material things can be replace, a life can not.

Even so, I do hope the rain stops soon. It seems that we are going to need the second coming of Noah if it doesn't. Of course, maybe this time more people would listen and be willing to board the ship.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

April 17, 2011-A minute gone



A minute gone, you have been
never to come back to me again.
True love came, the moment you were born
my life you changed, my life you did adorn.
I held your hand and you held my heart
now your gone and im falling apart.
How am I supposed to be strong
when everything now feels wrong.
What am I supposed to do, how am I supposed to go on
when every minute that passes, you've been another minute gone.

-TSG-

Brooklynn Shay, everyone thought the world of you. You love will live on, in all our hearts. Your momma and daddy will love you forever and a day. Uncle Patrick and I miss you even though we never got to meet you. We hope you and Logan are flying high, spreading your wings and soaring.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

April 4, 2011--Forever Angels

Children should never grow wings. They should be free to play and run on their legs and never have to learn to fly so early.

I have a hard time understanding child death. It doesn't make any sense to me why children have to leave the earth. I have experienced a few child deaths of children that knew, but only once have I had to go through it for a child that I cared for and I'm dealing with it right now.

There should be no reason my brother in law and his girlfriend has to go through this. NO REASON! Why should the hateful old bitty down the road, who hates everyone in the world live to a ripe old age, but yet a beautiful, innocent, sweet, precious child have her life snubbed from her way too early. IT MAKES NO SENSE!

People will try to rationalize child death and say "God needed them back with him, they were never ours to keep as he only let us borrow them" or pretty much a varied version of it. You know what though, that saying really ticks me off. I think anyone who says that really needs their head examined. You don't give someone a gift, a gift that brings great joy and love like no other. A gift that gives you every reason for being...and then rip that gift away from them. Thats called being an Asshole. Yes, I said it, God is an asshole. He has let all the power he possesses go to his head. God is nothing but a kid with a magnifying glass and we are all ants. When you have a beautiful child taken away soo early, but yet the asshole who has been allowed to live out all their lives making everyone miserable around them....you realize, that God has no plan. His plan is to go "Eeny Meenie Minie Mo, this one is going to go" and then shines his magnifying glass on us.

Some might say that God is using this experience in life to "test our faith". I'm sorry, but there are a million other ways to "test my faith" than cause sickness in a child or take their life. Honestly, if that is the type of God we have, then WHY would I want to worship that. People who don't believe in God I understand now. If God was a just god, the innocent wouldn't have to suffer or die so young.

I'm tired of being a fish in a barrel, with a man standing above it, just pointing away and shooting. I don't care what others think of me after this..as it is my opinion.

Poor baby girl Brooklynn. I never got to meet you, but I loved you all the same. Rest in peace baby girl. 8/09-4/11 :(

(no pictures as this is a public blog and I don't know how they would feel of me putting up a picture of their daughter here)

April 2, 2011--Wyatt

I thought I had published this already last week, but it was still in draft form.

Wyatt is a true "Daddy's Boy" and he will follow Patrick around like a little puppy. If he gets hurt, he'll go to Patrick first. I'm not sure how this happened as I am the one who held him the most during his baby months, but yet, I am the one who is pushed to the side if his dad is around.

Wyatt is known as the "little guy" of the house. He's been the smallest of them all in growth, but is as every bit as feisty as the others. I have a hard time realizing that he is getting bigger, that is, until I pick him up. He doesn't quite fit in my arms as well as he used to, but that doesn't stop me from holding him as much as I can.

He LOVES Brenden. I mean he absolutely loves Brenden. He'll kiss on him and try to hug him all the time. Its really, really sweet how much he loves him. I was initially afraid that Wyatt would be extremely jealous of Brenden, but that fear went away as soon as we brought B home. Once B gets bigger, I'm sure they'll end up being best friends.

There really isn't too much more to say about my lil' guy. I guess the only thing you truly need to know about is how much I love him...which is more than I can ever express into words.

Friday, April 1, 2011

April 1, 2011--You know what causes that don't you?

The dreaded phrase that a mom of many hates to hear. In the beginning, I held my tongue and usually responded with something polite. However, after awhile of hearing this repeatedly, my responses have changed to snarky.

Nosy Person: "You do know what causes that don't you?"

Me: "Yes, I do know and I happen to enjoy it. I also think I am quite good at it and apparently so does my husband. You should only be surprised I don't have a lot more children than I do."

Nosy Idiot: "You know they have birth control for that don't you?"

Me: "Holy Crap! Really!! You mean all this time I could have avoided having these kids?! Why didn't someone tell me there is a thing called birth control! WHY GOD WHY!!!"

Nosy Moron: "Are they ALL yours? You need to develop a hobby"

Me: "I have a hobby. I make great bank off of it. However, as you can see, sometimes accidents happen from it. Now if I only knew who the father was of each. Wait, you look familiar...you're husband isn't named John is he?"

They usually shut up and leave me alone after that. I actually have a few replies I use. It just depends on who is asking on what reply I use. Some people are genuinely nice about it, others are down right rude. So, rude people get a rude response.

I think what REALLY ticks me off is when they bring up me getting "fixed". WHAT?!?!?! Why in the world would a stranger tell another stranger something as personal as that. If I want to have 21 kids, than by george I will have that many. I mean, damn, my reproductive choices are not anyones business. Honestly, were some people not born with that filter that goes between the brain and the mouth?

I think I'm going to have a shirt made that says "On the search for the father of my next child. Apply in front."

Sunday, March 27, 2011

March 27, 2011--Spring Break

Today was officially the last day of spring break. Thank Goodness!! I love my kids and love spending time with them, but when its time for them to go back to school, I get really happy.

The kids were out of school from the 21st to the 25th. Now if you add in the weekends, that would be no school from 19th-27th. Do I even need to explain the joyous amounts of fun that can be held in that many days? However, we spent the entire time here at home...thrills. True insanity and chaos reigned and I was not the queen in control of it all, but a mere jester on the side being laughed at. *face palm*

There is one thing to be said about having six kids in the same house....CABIN FEVER!!!! Luckily the weather did allow us to go outside some and if the wind had not been blowing like crazy, it would have been great. Its hard to take the younger ones out when it feels like the wind is going to literally rip them out of your arms and carrying them off. Brenden HATES wind blowing on him, so it was a no-go on getting him outside any. We kept taking out outside breaks while he slept, but it almost never failed that the dang sun would hide behind the clouds, not giving us the full warming effect that we wanted. No direct sun+wind="brrrrrrrrr".

I would like to note that we DID get the garage looking pretty good. I still have toys out there to go through, but at least everything is not everywhere. Plus Augi's drum set has a nice big area to itself. Once the weather warms back up, it should only take a good weekend to get it all cleared out so we can get the car in there too.

My blog writing had to take a back burner when they were home. It should be noticed that I haven't written in the past few days. This would be due to the fact that the temp dropped once again, keeping them all in the house, giving me not anytime to myself. I am lucky right now because I sent them to bed....oh and the fact that Patrick is sleeping.

Now that school starts back tomorrow, we will not have anymore long breaks from school again until Summer. Summer will be nice as the baby will not be so immobile, it'll be warm outside, and we'll be able to take walks to the park. At least, this is what I hope, but knowing my luck, what probably won't happen..lol.

(pictures added later)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

March 24, 2011--Heaven


Blonde jokes can't be serious can they?

Let me introduce you to my oldest child, my first born, my introduction into motherhood, Heaven. Heaven is a very book smart kid. She can write some of the most amazing stories, passes her tests with high flying colors, and is just a lil brainiac. She is also in our G/T program at this school. However, she is also one of the dumbest smart kids I know. I don't mean that in a bad way, I just mean she can be the TRUE definition of a blonde girl sometimes. She can be extremely ditsy some days, so much, you think the blonde jokes were written just for her. I will never understand how someone so intelligent can be so "blonde". I do say that with love.

I am very proud of this kid though and do not ever doubt it. She has been a great gift and a joy to have in my life. She has so much eagerness to learn, to improve, to just be the best at all she can. She gives me hope for the next generation.

I think one of my favorite things about her is that she has a voracious hunger for reading. She'll devour book after book in such a short time period and come out wanting more. It warms my heart to know that she loves reading as much as I do. She also has the same interest in storylines, which is great so that I can read what I buy her. I believe that we could "forget" her at a library overnight and she'd be as happy as a lark....well, as long as we left her a snack too. Its great that kids today can still enjoy immersing themselves into books and forgetting the world of electronics around them.

Heaven is also a great sister to her siblings. She helps me a great portion of the time with them. There are times she will whine when I ask her to do something, but she'll do it. They all seem to love her and the younger ones call her "Hiya". The only bad problem about them wanting to be around her is that they do tend to annoy her to death...lol.

The one thing about Heaven that ticks me off is her "11 going on 21" attitude. She knows it all as most kids do. She likes to roll her eyes a lot at me, like I am the dumb one. One day, she'll roll her eyes at me, and I'm going to knock those things out to watch them roll across the floor..lmao. Remember, I've said everything here with love..hehe.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

March 23, 2011--Brenden


"Ties that have been severed can never be healed." HAHAHA. I find humor in that for some reason. Perhaps its because my tubes were severed, parts were cut out, and yet, they still healed themselves. Thanks to my body's super healing powers, I now have Brenden.

Brenden, so far, there isn't a lot to tell about him. He spends his days eating, sleeping, and pooping. Oh, with the occasional crying because no one bowing to his allmightyness. Haha. I try to be up his butt as much as I can, but with six kids, I do have to spread myself out among them. He seems to disagree with having to share me, but will just have to deal with it.

I am currently trying to sleep train the lil' guy to sleep on his own at night. Its working, but its also back firing on me. He is getting where he'll only cry for a little bit when you put him to bed and then he will sleep for hours. The only issue is if he gets woke up, its hard as heck to get him to sleep next to me. It especially sucks because I can't put him back in the crib since Patrick is in bed by then. So then I have to get up and pray the he falls asleep in my arms so I can get the pleasure of going back to bed myself.

He is awake right now, chewing on his shirt, trying to carry on a conversation with his hand. Its apparently not responding with the right answers because he's getting pretty ticked at it. Wait, now he's yelling at me, as I am once again, not up his butt. I think he's saying how dare I be on the computer when he is right there wanting to be held..lol. He can fuss all he wants right now, I just put him down before I started this, it won't kill him to entertain himself for another minute. Now if he puckers out that bottom lip into a sad face, well then, it'll all be over and I'll have to pick him up. His pucker is one of the saddest things I've ever seen.

You know, even though this little guy wasn't supposed to be in my life, I am glad he's here. He brings so much extra joy to our lives and makes it impossible to think of a life without him.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

March 22, 2011--Six Kids

Children, they bring laughter, joy, love and worry to a mothers heart.

I am often asked "How do you do it?" in regard to having six kids. Often=multiple times daily. I've been referred to as "super mom" and "super woman" more times than I can count. It seems that everyone is curious/envious on how I handle it all and still manage to have my sanity. I usually reply with joking answers like "Two words--Jack Daniels" or "Duct Tape", but the truth is, its not as hard as people seem to think.

First time parents with their first child are often more stressed than a parent with many kids. When a parent has their first, their life all of a sudden changes. Their life routine takes a sudden 180 degree turn and they have to learn how to compensate for that change. They are trying to figure everything out from feedings to sleeping. Now lets throw a second child into the mix, now they've got to figure out how to manage their time as a parent with two kids, who often, have two very different schedules in the beginning. Add a third child, things are different, but you have a great understanding of how to adjust your life to function with having another baby around. It is at this point, adding more children really doesn't upset the balance of your life too much.

I think the hardest part about it all right now is the sleep issue. I tough it out because I know that they do EVENTUALLY start sleeping at normal times. The other issue is making sure they each have their own space to isolate themselves into they need it. It can be difficult to convince a 2yo to leave their 10yo brother alone because he just wants some silence. Now, there can be other challenges to figure out, but nothing to really stress over too much.

Things around here are chaotic from day to day, but the words "organized chaos" applies. I am lucky that while I do have a lot of kids, that my two oldest are 6 and 7 years older than my younger four. They come in handy to help keep things in motion...definitely two saving graces.

Monday, March 21, 2011

March 21, 2011--Isis


Evil comes in the form of little girls too.

Isis, my youngest girl and my drama queen. This child has the tantrum down to a science. She knows how to throw one heck of a fit. Of course, she never gets her way by doing this, but I guess it just makes her feel better knowing that she gave me another gray hair for the hour. There is not a day that goes by that she doesn't run to her room crying because she was told no...OH the horror. I'm not sure where she got it in her little head that she's supposed to get everything her way, because I sure as heck didn't suggest she was living at Burger King.

Isis starts K-grade at the school here this fall and I truly feel sorry for the teacher that pulls the lucky lotto there..lol. I actually think she'll be better there than she is here. She asks DAILY "When I go school?" because she wants to go play with all her friends. She insists that all children her size are her friends. She's going to be mighty disappointed when she learns that not every kid will want to play with her over dramatic butt. I just hope she doesn't expect to be Queen Isis there...may god help her if she does...she'll be lucky to have any friends.

She is not always a spoiled brat kid though. There are a lot of times where she can actually be really loving. She'll help with the baby, hug and kiss on her siblings, and there are a lot of times you can find her hiding up Heaven's butt..lol. She plays really well with the boys over half the time. She also will make sure no one is doing something they shouldn't be...unless its her doing it..lol.

She is definitely a girl who knows how to properly wear her halo on her horns..lol.

March 21, 2011--Sleep

Sleep, you never realize how wonderful it is until your not getting much.

I haven't had a decent nights sleep in 5 years. One full night of straight, glorious, uninterrupted sleep. For the past 5 years I've either been pregnant or had a baby, and for a few months, both. Currently I have a 4mth old who likes to wake up to eat at least once, an 18mth old who wakes up once/twice to scream, and an almost 3yo who wakes up to play. Oh the funness of it all.

Last night was no exception to my no sleep routine. First it Brenden, then Justice, then the dog, then Brenden again, then Wyatt, back to the dog, then August (he got up to pee), then Wyatt again, and then Justice. It was at this point I just said screw it and got up. That is how it is almost every single night. I feel like the boys plot out to tag team to keep me awake. The dog, well, she's a dog and can't let herself out to go pee.

I will tell you who did get sleep though, yup, thats right, Patrick. As a matter of fact, he's sleep asleep. He almost always gets a decent amount of straight sleep. Which is fine, my butt will be napping during the day while he's watching the hoodlums. Its not fair, not in the least. Maybe I should stomp around like toddler and pitch a fit. Oh wait, I do on mornings I've not slept at all..lol.

I will say there are some mornings when I've had maybe an hour of sleep that I am a complete B! What do you expect though? Am I really expected to be extremely happy and act like the house is a sea of sunshine and flowers? Umm..sorry, not happening. I will be grumpy, moody, and b-y all I want. Luckily right now I'm none of the above...earlier I was extremely grumpy, but I've cooled off since all the kids are up except Brenden.

*sigh* Is it naptime yet?

Sunday, March 20, 2011

March 20, 2011-Blog time

Blog, whats a blog...Oh, this thing is a blog.

When I originally started this blog months ago, my plan was to write a little every day, no matter how random and to take a picture that day. However, as you can see, I only have a few blog posts. It seems every time I set down and start typing, I get interrupted and lose all focus. I have found it best to try to do this at night after the kids are in bed, but then Patrick has the computer. I guess I should try to do this on the iphone, but that just feels like it would take a long time to do.

Right now it is a little after 6am and two of the boys are up with me. Justice is watching Dora, playing with a car, while eating Coco Puffs and Brenden is beside me just laying in his seat STARING at me...lol. Its usually this time of the morning when I am resting after a treadmill run, or am just getting on the treadmill. Today though, I have to wait till Brenden is back to sleep to accomplish my morning Treadmill exercise. I really don't like being on it while he is awake just in case he starts crying. So I figured I'd take a few minutes today and write something. Of course, I'm still tired, so words are not pouring out of my fingers like they should be.

I need to invent some sort of mind reading machine that records your thoughts. Yes, I know we have all kinds of things that record your words and type them on your screen, but I don't even want to speak, I just want to think. At the rate my mind goes daily, I would be able to fill up the day with quite a few blog posts. Maybe call it Ithink and have it connected to the net. So every time you think of something, it posts it to the net like Twitter. Wait, not every time, that would be bad. The day would be filled with posts like "Look at those tits!" or "Damn, that guy has a nice sized package"..... As funny as that would be, I can see a lot of spouses having a bit of a cow and the divorce rate going up..lol.

Oh well, I guess I'm just going to have to keep doing this the normal way until a mind reading device comes along. Maybe I should just lock my kids in rooms for a few hours a day and just type. "No CPS, I don't abuse my kids....what they told you I lock them up....well, thats just so people online will know what I'm thinking...don't worry, I throw them scraps of food before I start"...LOL.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

March 17, 2011-Random Thoughts-Getting Older



Time, it passes us by faster than we want. One day you are a young teen eager to get older and then you are an adult wishing to be younger. Who ever said "youth is wasted on the young" wasn't kidding. I didn't realize when I was younger that we really had it easy. We had no cares, no bills, no major responsibilities, and had all of our needs met by our caregivers. Now, I have to care about everything, I have bills coming in from everywhere, responsibilities out the wazoo, and I have to meet my own needs.

For a long time, and even still, I wanted to be a vampire. Vampires have two good things going for them, they never grow old, and they never die. Yes, the drinking blood is an icky downfall, but it was a price I would have gladly paid to be immortal. Getting old scares the crap out of me, although not as much as dying does. Old age because the thought of becoming an invalid does not appeal to me. Death, well, obviously the being dead part.

My dad once said that while your body ages, you don't feel like you are. That you only know you are getting older is because your body refuses to do what it did when you were younger. Its so true. I look in the mirror and can see myself aging every day. However, my mind and soul still feel young. I find it a cruel joke in a way, one I had to be really hard pressed to laugh at.

I am now a 32 year old mother of six kids and that is something I thought I'd never say. I wanted at the most three children...preferably two girls and a boy. Six kids, I mean really, who ever thinks about wanting that many kids. The only time having six kids ever crossed my mind was playing "The Game of Life" with my cousin Wendy and for some strange reason, I ALWAYS ended up with 6 kids. I remember thinking at the time "over my dead body"....funny, I'm not dead yet.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

March 16, 2011-August


Who ever said "God will never give you more than you can handle" was apparently not given very much on their plate.

My son August is autistic. I should only have to stop at that sentence right there for you to know what we go through each and every day. I will go on to humor those of you who really have no clue.

They say every autistic child is different...that finding two exactly the same would be like finding two identical snowflakes on your window. Every person comes with their own set of "quirks" and challenges. They each have things that they can excel at and other things that they can't quite grasp the concept of. The spectrum range is so wide that while one maybe completely nonfuctional (1), another maybe just one step below a "normal" person (100). August is somewhere in the 65-70 range.

I love my son...I love every ounce of him. However, to say that there are days that he completely stresses me out would be an understatement. He has come along way in his 10 years of life. He was nonverbal English and pretty much had his own language. I truly wondered if he would ever actually talk to where we'd be able to understand him. Thankfully once he started school, between all his therapists, he can converse with us now...although, you do have to ask him to repeat a lot.

Things can be flowing smoothly with him one day and them BAM, you hit a wall the next. Things have to go the way he expects, so don't screw with his routine. God have mercy on you if you change his routine. Its these days that really, really make me wonder what God was thinking giving ME an autistic child. However, once the day is over, Augi has returned to his version of normal....it hits me... I was given him because while Augi lives in his own mental chaos, he fits in with my life of chaos. At the end of the day, he's still alive, happy, and I'm another day in on learning how to deal with something else.

I don't give up on him and will never give up on him. I care for him and love him.....its all he really needs in this life. He is a special kid and my life wouldn't be the same without him even with all his little quirks.

March 15, 2011-Justice


Children are amazing little humans. They grow so fast and absorb every bit of information you throw at them. They are also very manipulative. They know how to work you over and you don't even realize you've been had until its too late.

My son, Justice, is the most manipulative of my kids. He uses his cute cherubness to avoid getting into trouble and just getting his way. For example, he'll be doing something he KNOWS he's not supposed to be doing. I'll raise my voice to him, telling him to either go to his room or to sit down on the couch. He then makes this expression that would melt the coldest heart, opens his arms wide, say "Momma", then come running toward me giving some of the best hugs in the world. Now HOW can you get mad at that?!


Justice also has got the "pout" down to a perfection. When he's in so much trouble that the "hug" doesn't work, he works his puppy face. He lowers his head, puckers out that lip, sighs all pathetic like, and slowly makes his way to the couch. Its horrible how much that affects us..lol. We are such pushovers because when he does that, we have to hug him. We are pathetic that we left a 2yo have so much control over us.


My other children do not seem to have the power over us that their brother does (although Brenden's sad pucker face is enough to make the angels cry). I think its because Justice has a cherub face with golden curls that is so blindingly cute. We think that once his hair gets cut that he'll loose all his power...at least, we hope.