April 17, 2011-A minute gone

A minute gone, you have been
never to come back to me again.
True love came, the moment you were born
my life you changed, my life you did adorn.
I held your hand and you held my heart
now your gone and im falling apart.
How am I supposed to be strong
when everything now feels wrong.
What am I supposed to do, how am I supposed to go on
when every minute that passes, you've been another minute gone.

-TSG-

Brooklynn Shay, everyone thought the world of you. You love will live on, in all our hearts. Your momma and daddy will love you forever and a day. Uncle Patrick and I miss you even though we never got to meet you. We hope you and Logan are flying high, spreading your wings and soaring.

April 4, 2011--Forever Angels

Children should never grow wings. They should be free to play and run on their legs and never have to learn to fly so early.

I have a hard time understanding child death. It doesn't make any sense to me why children have to leave the earth. I have experienced a few child deaths of children that knew, but only once have I had to go through it for a child that I cared for and I'm dealing with it right now.

There should be no reason my brother in law and his girlfriend has to go through this. NO REASON! Why should the hateful old bitty down the road, who hates everyone in the world live to a ripe old age, but yet a beautiful, innocent, sweet, precious child have her life snubbed from her way too early. IT MAKES NO SENSE!

People will try to rationalize child death and say "God needed them back with him, they were never ours to keep as he only let us borrow them" or pretty much a varied version of it. You know what though, that saying really ticks me off. I think anyone who says that really needs their head examined. You don't give someone a gift, a gift that brings great joy and love like no other. A gift that gives you every reason for being...and then rip that gift away from them. Thats called being an Asshole. Yes, I said it, God is an asshole. He has let all the power he possesses go to his head. God is nothing but a kid with a magnifying glass and we are all ants. When you have a beautiful child taken away soo early, but yet the asshole who has been allowed to live out all their lives making everyone miserable around them....you realize, that God has no plan. His plan is to go "Eeny Meenie Minie Mo, this one is going to go" and then shines his magnifying glass on us.

Some might say that God is using this experience in life to "test our faith". I'm sorry, but there are a million other ways to "test my faith" than cause sickness in a child or take their life. Honestly, if that is the type of God we have, then WHY would I want to worship that. People who don't believe in God I understand now. If God was a just god, the innocent wouldn't have to suffer or die so young.

I'm tired of being a fish in a barrel, with a man standing above it, just pointing away and shooting. I don't care what others think of me after this..as it is my opinion.

Poor baby girl Brooklynn. I never got to meet you, but I loved you all the same. Rest in peace baby girl. 8/09-4/11 :(

(no pictures as this is a public blog and I don't know how they would feel of me putting up a picture of their daughter here)

April 2, 2011--Wyatt

I thought I had published this already last week, but it was still in draft form.

Wyatt is a true "Daddy's Boy" and he will follow Patrick around like a little puppy. If he gets hurt, he'll go to Patrick first. I'm not sure how this happened as I am the one who held him the most during his baby months, but yet, I am the one who is pushed to the side if his dad is around.

Wyatt is known as the "little guy" of the house. He's been the smallest of them all in growth, but is as every bit as feisty as the others. I have a hard time realizing that he is getting bigger, that is, until I pick him up. He doesn't quite fit in my arms as well as he used to, but that doesn't stop me from holding him as much as I can.

He LOVES Brenden. I mean he absolutely loves Brenden. He'll kiss on him and try to hug him all the time. Its really, really sweet how much he loves him. I was initially afraid that Wyatt would be extremely jealous of Brenden, but that fear went away as soon as we brought B home. Once B gets bigger, I'm sure they'll end up being best friends.

There really isn't too much more to say about my lil' guy. I guess the only thing you truly need to know about is how much I love him...which is more than I can ever express into words.

April 1, 2011--You know what causes that don't you?

The dreaded phrase that a mom of many hates to hear. In the beginning, I held my tongue and usually responded with something polite. However, after awhile of hearing this repeatedly, my responses have changed to snarky.

Nosy Person: "You do know what causes that don't you?"

Me: "Yes, I do know and I happen to enjoy it. I also think I am quite good at it and apparently so does my husband. You should only be surprised I don't have a lot more children than I do."

Nosy Idiot: "You know they have birth control for that don't you?"

Me: "Holy Crap! Really!! You mean all this time I could have avoided having these kids?! Why didn't someone tell me there is a thing called birth control! WHY GOD WHY!!!"

Nosy Moron: "Are they ALL yours? You need to develop a hobby"

Me: "I have a hobby. I make great bank off of it. However, as you can see, sometimes accidents happen from it. Now if I only knew who the father was of each. Wait, you look familiar...you're husband isn't named John is he?"

They usually shut up and leave me alone after that. I actually have a few replies I use. It just depends on who is asking on what reply I use. Some people are genuinely nice about it, others are down right rude. So, rude people get a rude response.

I think what REALLY ticks me off is when they bring up me getting "fixed". WHAT?!?!?! Why in the world would a stranger tell another stranger something as personal as that. If I want to have 21 kids, than by george I will have that many. I mean, damn, my reproductive choices are not anyones business. Honestly, were some people not born with that filter that goes between the brain and the mouth?

I think I'm going to have a shirt made that says "On the search for the father of my next child. Apply in front."